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I’m Not Sick, Mr. President

Here’s Obama’s response to Brian Williams’s question about whether proponents of gay marriage have a friend in the White House:

Translation: No.

Instead, we get the boilerplate about civil unions, benefits — and “the right to visit each other in hospitals”?? After the show, I half-expected an episode of “L.A. Law.” How very late 80’s of you, Mr. President.

Please, can we stop talking about hospitals? Yes, there have been (and even today, continue to be) horror stories of loved ones denied access to hospitals, but is this really a controversial issue today? Even some of the most right-wingnuts support our right to visit each other in the hospital.

And speaking of the late 1980’s, I can’t help noting that the whole issue of the right to hospital visits took on political currency during the darkest days of the AIDS epidemic. There’s always been an uneasy mix of compassion and fear to this discussion. The compassion part was the text; the fear of the diseased “other,” the subtext. I’ve seen more than one AIDS caregiver become lachrymose, years later, when recounting stories of how only they would change the sweat-and-blood soaked sheets of their spouse, son, or brother.  Often the nurses charged with that duty simply refused. So letting gay spouses visit each other in the hospital stemmed in part from a “better them than me” sensibility.

How about a “live” issue? Here’s one that reflects reality today for many gay people and their families: The lack of dignity, transmitted through law and rhetoric, that the children of gay parents have to deal with every day, in ways overt and subtle. If my twin daughters were to say to Maggie Gallagher: “My daddy and papa are married,”  she would respond: “Not in the United States.”1

What would President Obama say to them? It disturbs me that I can’t answer that question.

  1. Her statement was made in connection with her support of a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, but  is to an extent true even in its absence, because DOMA commits the federal government to the position of non-recognition of gay  marriages, even if valid in the couples’ home states.
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