Posts Tagged ‘864’

“The Paparazzi Clapped”

May 12th, 2009 No comments

My best efforts to retain a level of smug detachment from the whole Miss California/Carrie Prejean issue have been swamped by the Donald.

As  you probably know by now, Mr. Hair Sculpture co-owns the Miss Universe Organization. So the decision whether to allow Prejean to retain her shimmering tiara was left to him. Here’s what he had to say at the press conference:

There’s a lot to marvel at here. Note the logo, with Trump’s name repeated endlessly under that of the pageant corporation. Given his relentless self-promotion — not to mention his unsteady financial position these days — did we really expect him to strip her (of her crown)? After all, as he kept reminding us, “this is the 21st century.”1 Keep this in the news, with more and racier photos emerging every day, and the pageant (“a monster” hit, as he says in the video) stays in the public eye. Cashier her, and some nameless replacement steps in, relegating the pageant to the obscurity it richly deserves.

Consider this revealing statement, given by Trump in response to questions from the avuncular Larry King, on what he thought about the all-out-war on “Celebrity Apprentice” between Annie “Poker Face” Duke and Joan “Impossible Face” Rivers: “Well, I liked it very much…. Especially…when the ratings came in, because it was a ratings bonanza last night for NBC.”

If you have interest in the integrity of your enterprise, don’t let Bud Selig or Donald Trump run it. You’ll end up with steroids, or subsidized breast enhancements and the paparazzi will clap, to  Trump’s approval, demanding more redeemable fodder. (They’d clap themselves bloody for a case of steroids and breast enhancements.)

Note that the Donald defended Prejean’s right to her opinion on marriage equality (so do I), but didn’t mention whether her current advocacy for the evil National Organization for Marriage violates her contract. It does seem an unusually controversial ‘platform’ for a pageant winner. Most choose The Scourge of...[fill-in-the-blank], ensuring wide support but little real traction or interest. (Have you ever met one of these young women? Me neither.) Unless it clearly violates some contractual provision, though, I  say: Let her keep the silly crown. Did you listen to her answer to the question?  If we can’t deal with Miss California’s stream-of-babble against marriage equality, the movement is in big trouble.

Just don’t let her carry a concealed weapon in a national park.

  1. Where idiocy and vapidity rule, apparently.

“Things That Need No Parody”

April 21st, 2009 1 comment

South Park once parodied Stevie Nicks by representing her as a sheep. Given her bleating voice, this was a gimme. Better, though, was the great David Letterman’s take on Nicks: For several nights back in her heyday, he simply ran excerpts of her videos. His point, of course, is that she didn’t need to be parodied. The performance spoke for its very own self.

Sometimes a parody is just the gilding of a lily. Here’s another example:

Does this really need a parody? Oh, there might be biting and hilarious takes on it (I’ve not yet seen any, but I’m sure they’re in utero as I write this), just as “The Gathering Storm,” the National Organization for Marriage’s (“NOM”) wince-worthy video, has spawned a side-splitting cottage industry of take-offs and mash-ups. The best of these may be Stephen Colbert’s “Giant Gay Storm”:

But “The Gathering Storm” needs no parody, really, any more than does Miss California’s incoherent response to the marriage equality issue. These national beauty pageants have barreled headlong into irrelevance, drummed out of Atlantic City and mostly now of interest as reminders of a time when the ideal for women was the swimsuit model.1 The women who remain interested in these degrading promenades are too often the clueless stereotypes seen above, or the infamous Miss South Carolina from a couple of years ago.

Also in an out-of-touch bubble is NOM, a recent and desperate creation that serves as political and philosophical home to the shrinking circle of de facto bigots. It’s not surprising that such an organization would have thought that “The Gathering Storm” was a keeper; they’re deaf to the derisive howls of laughter from all quarters — before we even get to the parodies.

With a nod to one of the great game shows of any era, the $25,000  Pyramid, we can give the contestant these clues and get them to guess the category:

Clues: “Stevie Nicks videos; Miss America contestants answering questions; The World Wrestling Federation; NOM’s ‘The Gathering Storm'”

Answer: “Things that Need No Parody”

Fun, no? Now, you try:

Clues: “mirror ball;  skin-tight shirts that do not breathe; ambient cocaine; Steve Rubell”


  1. Yes, I know that the SI Swimsuit issue still sells. But buying a magazine is one thing; staging an elaborate competition is quite another.
Categories: Gay Rights, humor, Marriage Equality Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,