Posts Tagged ‘Brian Brown’

The Worst Summer Vacation, Ever

July 13th, 2010 No comments

Pity the children of Brian Brown, President of the National Organization for Marriage. To satisfy dad’s need to poop on the marriage equality forces, the poor kids will be dragged up and down the East Coast during the hottest, most miserable summer in recorded memory.

Yes, kids, hop aboard the Summer of [Some] Marriage[s] Van, where you’ll get to attend rallies, some attended by as many as dozens of people, in support of the fairness-stopping agenda!

Better bring your video games and plenty of stuff to do.

Here’s a conversation that I’m imagining having with my kids were I to suggest a counter-tour (which, by the way, someone without kids and with some time ought to organize; follow these dreary killjoys from pillar to post, and liven things up with some clever, performance art-type responsive rallies):

Me: Kids, this year we won’t be going to the beach, or to any water parks, or to camp.

Girls: Daddy, what will we be doing instead?

Me: We’re going to travel across the country in a van, and get out at some points and talk to people about things that matter to us.

Girls: What things? Having fun?

Me: Not exactly.

Girls: This sounds boring.

Me: Someday you’ll understand.

Girls: {burst into tears}

Maybe NOM should try a stealthier approach, since the van they’re using might as well have a sign on it that says: “Egg Me!” (which I don’t for a minute condone; eggs are too valuable to waste). Perhaps they could salvage this van, and trick the kids into thinking they’re headed for stardom:


NOM Approves of Marriage Between Man, Videogame Woman

November 25th, 2009 3 comments

A Japanese man’s recent marriage to a videogame character, Nena, is reported here:


Brian Brown, Executive Director of the National Organization for Marriage (“NOM”), issued a statement approving the union. “We here at NOM believe that marriage is the union of man and woman,” said Brown. “It’s true that the couple can’t procreate, but this marriage, like all marriages between a man and a woman, promotes the naturally complementary nature of the sexes. That nature is revealed even when, through no fault of their own, the couple is incapable of bearing children.”

NOM President Maggie Gallagher agreed, and expressed a concern that gay couples would try to use this marriage as evidence that they, too, should be permitted to wed. “Expect same-sex couples to whine about their “real needs” as flesh and blood people,” she said. “Whatever those needs are, they shouldn’t be allowed to transform marriage from what it’s always been — the union of man and woman. A cyber-woman is still a woman, and we at NOM support laws that bring people, real or virtual, together. Gay marriage tears marriage apart.”

Gallagher also speculated that some who are objecting to the marriage resented the fact that Nena is beautiful. “Those almost impossibly large eyes, that vast smile….Where was I? It all reminds me of how the activist gay community had it in for that poor Carrie Prejean.”

NOM is said to be considering whether to support the couple’s right to adopt children.