As I wrote in my previous post, the repeal of DADT peels away the mask on a problem just as it solves another: Once gays and lesbians are allowed to serve openly, their relationships snap into view. And then we can see, clearly, the devastating effect of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) on the daily lives of these couples.
A regular reader and friend drew my attention to this story from Reuters. It details the difficulty that a lesbian couple — a couple with a six-year-old child and a baby on the way — faces when both parents are in the military. The odds that they’ll be placed together are much lower since they’re not married. They have to appeal under a hardship rule, and that’s less likely to be successful than a request to remain together submitted by a legally married couple.
In this case, the hardship request was denied. (But the request was made before Luz Bautista, the mom making it, was able to reveal that she was in a relationship.) So Bautista is about to be shipped off Illinois for a three-year posting that could be extended. The couple plan to swap custody every three months or so, which seems the best they can do under the circumstances. This is another stark example of how DOMA undermines the very family values it was supposedly implemented to protect. We should call attention to cases like this at every opportunity, and call upon the oppositionists to explain and justify such a result.
Meanwhile, until DOMA is either repealed (not any time soon) or declared unconstitutional (a better chance), advocacy groups should be holding the Obama Administration’s feet to the fire. We should insist that the hardship rule be interpreted in such a way as to render same-sex couples no less likely to be placed together than their opposite-sex counterparts. A directive so mandating should issue, forthwith. For now, stories like this one reveal the stark inequality of DOMA and draw the date of its demise ever closer.
Bautista: “The emotional toll. You can’t even describe it. It has been tearing us apart for the last couple of months.” Most parents would agree. And there’s no need for this trauma. Fix it, already.